My name is Sonny. And I'm married. But I'm very much a single woman. How, you ask, is that even possible? If you're married, you're married. End of story. Cue house, car, cats, dogs, kids. Happily ever after.
Not quite.
I've been married for almost 7 years and thought things were great. We had just bought a house, both our cars were paid off, we had just started to really get into the life that we had been talking so much about for the past how many years. Our daughter was happy, I've been a stay at home mom since she was born and loving every smile face, snot running day of it. My husband was working in the same job for years and got great benefits. We had just gotten chickens and were working on getting rabbits soon. Our little homestead in the woods was in the beginning stages and starting to shape up. We were happy.
And it was complete bullshit.
Sure, on the surface, we were happy. Life seemed great.
But life has this knack of kicking you in the ass somethimes. And that's exactly what happened to me. One fight led to another, and more feelings were pushed way too far down, communication channels were mucked with shit and our passion for life, for one another started to vanish in the fog of life.
So where has life kicked my ass to?
My mom's house right smack in the middle of nowhere, Wisconsin for the past two months. It's left me trying to clean up the mess that I made, we made, all while still poking me with a stick along the way. I'm looking for a job two hours away from where I'm staying and working on putting my life back together, one fragile piece of a time.
The funny thing is, you put so much time and energy into fixing other people's issues, journeying through other people's gossip and bullshit that you forget to clean up your own messes. You just sweep them all snug under the rug until the next time shit hits the fans. Then that rug becomes an arsenal to keep accumulating more and more until you can no longer dig your way out. And then you are left wondering what went wrong and how to fix it, or even how to move on.
I'm still trying to figure that out.
Until that "ah-ha" moment hits me on how to fix said pile of shit, I'll keep watching/obsessing over The Walking Dead, spending time with a mostly supportive family, chatting with my amazing mother (whom I have never given enough credit and love to), playing and living with my daughter, and hopefully getting back to the hobbies that I love: reading and writing.
Am I sometimes whiny and a little annoying to listen to? Probably. But do I want pity? Hell no. I'm just a simple woman looking for a chance to fix her life and find herself along the way.
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